WOTH: Platinum #19 – Orc Slayer

Shame – /ʃeɪm/

Noun – a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.

There are times when desperation emerges out of addiction. You become so accustomed to the little dopamine rush dispensed from your vice, that you begin to only care about where and when the next little rush will hit. And, if you behave wrong, or foolishly, you’ll only feel a deep sense of shame afterwards. In this light, collecting platinum trophies is no different to scoring meth in the shadowy lane next to the remote 7-11 at 2:25AM.

Anyway, I would like to introduce Orc Slayer! You’re a warrior, probably. You wander around and slowly swing your unimpressive axe, or shoot from your un-trusty steam crossbow, to kill the same 3 blocky vaguely orc-shaped enemies until you can walk through a gate to the next area. Oh, and there are chickens. Gameplay wise, this is a very shallow experience of swinging something sharp and hoping the random hitboxes align. Regarding style, this looks like a C+ project for a high school game coding project, where the orc designs were borrowed from the student’s 3-year-old brother’s chalkboard.

Orc Slayer is a game where word of mouth presents it as a turd cupcake. “It’s the worst, unpolished and boring game I’ve ever played”, they say. “But the platinum is ridiculously easy.” And there is the icing on top. You will sit there, hovering over the PS Store screen, as two opposing thoughts clash in your mind.

“I want a platinum trophy. I need that rush.”

“The game is terrible, and you’ll waste 3 hours of your life. Also is it even worth $7.55 AUD?”

You’ll find out what type of person you are, depending on whether you click Buy or not. I’m preparing my defense for this purchase based around the fact that I have only big AAA games currently underway, and I missed the sweet ping of a platinum trophy. Dropping 120+ hours into a game with no ultimate reward does that to a man.

If you decide to give in to temptation, it will only take 2-3 hours and one playthrough – as long as you don’t forget some missable trophies near the end. If I had to play through to the later levels again, I’d probably be wanted for a murder-suicide combo.

Currently playing:
  • Lemmings Touch (PS Vita)
  • The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (PS4)
  • Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel (PS4)
  • Borderlands 2 (PS4)
  • Ultratron (PS4)

Are you ashamed of any trophies?

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